Helping an Angry Child

I was recently asked by another parent how to help her child who is experiencing angry episodes. Here are some of the ideas I suggested to her. Maybe they will help someone else who is having problems with an angry child.


Anger can be a complicated issue, with many possible root causes. They root problem could be physical, spiritual, mental, or emotional.



Physical: Garrett's huge anger issues were rooted in physical causes. The foods he was eating were acting like rat poison to his body. Because he felt so miserable all the time, he could not be cheerful. His inner misery expressed itself as anger. There are two places I would consider taking your son to evaluate his health. One is to the Integrative Health Care Center to have him evaluated for digestive health and food sensitivites. http://www.ihcenter.net/
Many people don't realize how closely the digestive system is related to brain function, but in order for the brain and emotions to function properly, the digestive system needs to be working as well.
The other place I would consider taking him is Higher Health Chiropractic. http://www.gethigherhealth.com/
If his spine is not properly aligned, it can affect his brain and emotions. We just started taking the kids there and were totally impressed by the scientific way our children were evaluated, and the way we were taught about how God made our bodies, and how they can heal. This has been a fascinating week as we have all learned more about our health.



Spiritual: Where is your son in his walk with God? Middle school is the time when kids often decide to either make their parents' faith a real part of their own lives, or they start to reject it. Connelly went through a time of doubting a couple of years ago and we were able to find other adults to mentor her in her walk with God. She also read all the "Case for Faith for Kids" series of books, which were given to her by one of those adults. She did find her own faith in God, and now has led online friends to The Lord.
Every Friday, our kids attend Classical Conversations, which is a nation wide homeschool organization, where the kids meet with a tutor one day each week who leads discussions, keeps the kids accountable for doing their homework, corrects tests, and assigns the homework for the following week. This year, Connelly's class is reading through books such as "It Couldn't Just Happen," and "Don't check your Brains at the Door." These books challenge the students to understand why they believe what they believe. At the end of the year, Connelly will be required to write a three page paper explaining what she believes, and why she believes it.
I don't know if your son goes to public school, but I know that statistically, many kids don't make it through public school with their faith intact.




Mental: Is your son's schoolwork challenging without being overwhelming? If my kids are capable of doing something, they are usually willing to do it. Kids do what they can. Also, it is crucially important for young men to know that they "have what it takes." They have to excel at something. Kelton struggles with math, but excels at the violin and at drawing. Those areas have helped him see that he is a valuable person. Garrett struggles with reading, writing, and memorizing Latin vocabulary, but he excels at math and at building things. His strengths help him when he is frustrated by his weaknesses. What are your son's strengths? Does he excel in certain areas of schoolwork and struggle in others? What are his strengths outside of school work?



Emotional: Can you describe your family structure? Many years ago, I read a book called, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families." We have intentionally cultivated a very strong family structure. If you imagine our family as a group of people standing in a circle, we are all facing the center of the circle with our hands joined. What effects one of us, effects everybody. When one of us rejoices, we all rejoice together.
Now imagine a family as a group of people standing in a circle facing out, with hands not connected. This is a very common family structure. Every person in the family is involved in his or her own areas of interest.

I don't know how you would describe your family's structure, but I know that kids at your son's age are often pulled away from the family by peer pressure. If his heart is not totally connected to yours, it's going to be easy for him to respond to you with anger and annoyance. This is the age at which many families begin to homeschool their kids because they see their children being pulled away from their families by outside influences.

A book that helps with understanding kids, and why they respond with angry outbursts, is called
"Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control." They also have a website with online training classes for parents. I haven't taken any of the online classes, but I know someone who has taken them, and she said they were really good.


I don't know if any of this information will be helpful, but I do know that God says in the book of James, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."